Here is another blog post dedicated to Nerdify reviews of the most interesting and important stuff. This time we want you to meet Chelsey – one of our top Nerds. Hear her out.

Hello, I’m Chelsey. I decided to contribute into Nerdify Reviews topic to share my experience and help people who suffer from the phenomenon of “unhealthy perfectionism”. I see myself as a perfectionist, albeit an unhealthy one. I mentally criticize people (specifically new ones) who I think do not meet my standards or expectations.  

I’m afraid of failure because I always want to be “perfect”. In school, I exert as much effort as I can in my exams. When the results are not in my favor, I would internally beat myself up for not getting the grade I desire. I tend to be overly cautious of taking risks, possibly rooted from my fear of failure. If I stay in my comfort zone, then nothing will happen.

I conducted a short research about perfectionism, and I’d say that (to an extent) I inhibit one of the main signs of a perfectionist. I’m not surprised; perfectionism does have harmful effects on my mental health.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfect means “… being entirely without fault or defect.” Now, if we look at Merriam-Webster’s definition of perfectionism, it means “… to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”

In psychology, perfectionism in the psychological field means “… striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards….”

If they do not meet such standards, it would take a huge toll on their self-esteem and self-worth. On the same vein, unattained goals and standards would contribute to disappointment and unhappiness. Possibly, even depression.

Why is it a Toxic Trait? 

People usually regard perfectionism as a “positive” trait. I’ve read articles that it is a cliché answer to the job question, “what is your weakness?”

Yes, it can be your weakness. But did you know perfectionism is more than that? Are you aware that it is toxic to your mental health and detrimental to your growth? For the curious soul, here are the reasons why:

You can’t bring yourself to commit mistakes or experience failure, for they make you believe you are incompetent. You have to be ready to face failure in order to be successful.

You don’t celebrate with pure joy and happiness. Instead, your success and achievements are met with scorn and self-criticism. Negative self-talk is what harms your happiness. You are too focused on the negative aspect of things.

You are afraid of being judged. You like other people to see you as a perfect human being (when in fact, you’re not). Perhaps you are hesitant in stating your flaws, as it may ruin your “perfect” self. There’s internal pressure involved too.

Apparently, these reasons are also correlated with the signs of perfectionism. Let us move on.

Five Signs of Perfectionism

1. Setting high (unrealistic) goals and standards

There’s nothing bad in establishing standards and not settling for anything less. It’s not even bad to have high goals. However, creating unrealistic standards and goals is unhealthy because they have to be realistic. Further, you are pressured to accomplish your goal no matter what. You may even have the tendency to expect that everyone has to abide by your… demanding and ultra-high standards. As said by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist. perfectionists are critical of people and expect them to be perfect as well.

2. Fear of failure/Making mistakes and staying within your comfort zone

You set a goal for yourself, but you are afraid of failure. In that regard, you are more inclined to focus on the end results (without fail) rather than enjoying the thrill and experience of achieving your goal.  On the other hand, you refuse to move out of your “shell” because you don’t want to disappoint yourself (or anyone). Hence, you lean towards tasks you can do successfully—100% guaranteed. This brings more harm than good to your mental health and personal growth.

3. Trust issues

According to Elizabeth Lombardo Ph.D., perfectionists rarely delegate tasks because they think that their peers cannot do the job correctly. In practical settings, you don’t trust your colleagues enough if you want to assign them work. In the end, you do everything by yourself.

4. Low self-esteem and unhappiness

Let’s say you are angry with yourself because you failed to reach your goals. You immediately conclude you are inadequate and flawed. It can leave you a feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Kendra Cherry states that fear of failure is a sign of low self-esteem.

5. Negative self-talk and too critical

Perfectionists have the habit of finding faults in their achievements— no matter how small that is. You loathe yourself because you are not good enough. Therefore, your mind ends up being clouded with negative thoughts. You are also too critical of other people. Like I said, perfectionists highly expect their peers to be of “high standard” and “perfect”. This may push (or intimidate) people away. Unfortunately, it can lead to loneliness.

Overcoming Perfectionism: What Can You Do?

1. Accept the realities of life

Let’s do a reality check—you have to acknowledge that everyone, including you, makes mistakes in life. We fail in life— tests, interviews, work, assignments, and etc. At the end of the day, they push us to do better and improve ourselves.  Just like everyone else, you have flaws. Don’t expect people to be exactly like you. Every individual is different. 2

2. Take on the challenge

Risk-taking is hard, as we do not know what is beyond the abyss of the unknown. If you are eyeing an activity that you’ve always wanted to try, go on ahead… don’t be afraid of failure and mistakes. Let go, and experience the “challenge” in all its glory.

3. Be open to learning

We have to reskill to cater to the demands of the 21st century. Skills are also a plus point in the workforce. When you are learning, always remember that everyone starts out as a noob or a newbie.

4. Set realistic goals and standards

Be grounded in reality! It’s fine to have high standards, but they have to be realistic. Use your standards as a guide or a framework, rather as an absolute ideal.  Also, make your goals feasible (Remember SMART?). Again, don’t let failure bring you down. Failure does not mean that you are garbage, and it does not define who you are. As said by Oscar the Grouch, “just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It is called garbage can, not garbage cannot.”

Don’t forget to reward yourself if you achieved something big or small. Bring nothing but good vibes ☺

5. Learn to trust and delegate tasks

This is a leap of fate you must take. If you are overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask your colleague for assistance. You have to learn to understand and work with your peers. Bear in mind that you can’t do everything by yourself all the time. 

After reading about perfectionism, I realized that I need to work on myself. I’d say that it was an eye-opening experience. Perfectionism is embedded in my psyche, and it will be a challenge to completely get rid of it. I hope this article has made you reflect on yourself.

How about you? Do you consider yourself as a perfectionist?

xoxo, Chelsey

More Nerdify reviews to come, stay tuned!

Even though the times of quarantine and the social distancing have kept most of us indoors for months and the cinemas are not open yet, it does not mean that there is nothing worth checking out. According to the Nerdify reviews, there are at least five movies that you should definitely see in 2020 even if you stream them on your favorite device!

1. The Vast of Night

One of the interesting Amazon’s originals, it is an example of a movie that is destined to become a classic. Most people in our Nerdify reviews team loved the vintage feeling that it had. Andrew Patterson, the director, has managed to provide a sufficient cinematic environment to create a good old American drama with an interesting twist. It tells a story about a radio DJ called Everett and his best friend Faye who works as a telephone operator. The story starts when the pair catches a strange radio signal of unknown origin that they believe comes from outer space. It has enough mystery, drama, and suspense to keep things interesting because of great storytelling and interplay of the dialogues. As we have spent so much time stuck inside, this great movie is a breath of fresh air.

2. Tesla

Now the biopics are becoming even more popular than ever, Michael Almereyda’s “Tesla” takes a totally different route by focusing on the daily challenges of the famous 19th-century inventor. The physics and the experiments are portrayed through the lens of alienation, sadness, a scientific passion that borders with madness, and some sense of a mystery. The movie works like a painted collage that often puzzles the audience, yet it creates a revolutionary take and allows one to see a life story and connect the man with his challenges and inventions that went far ahead of his time. “Tesla” can be considered as a strong drama even though it is presented as a biopic. The Nerdify reviews recommend taking a look at this movie to see how often it is the simple things that matter the most!

3. Father, Soldier, Son

If you are ready for an emotional documentary movie that deals with family values, war traumas, raising two young boys on your own, and dealing with depression and loss of one’s identity, this movie has it all. No, it is not a dark movie per se because it shows how a person can come to grips with a different reality as time passes by. It offers a rare psychological outlook on how our personal values and the things we have learned (or learn) as children instantly change our perception and perspective even on the horrible things that happen in life. An interesting part of this movie is that it often switches from the main character’s tours of military duty to the man’s young sons who still see life with a glimpse of hope. As we live through the difficult times, this Netflix movie and a winner of the Tribeca Film Festival in 2020 actually help to bring hope back and feel proud of one’s country!

4. The Whistlers

Our Nerdify reviews collective always seeks something unusual. “The Whistlers” movie became such an example because it deals with a whistling language. Being the nerdy human forms we are, this movie instantly caught our attention because it is not some boring flick but a movie that tells about a police officer who wants to learn how to communicate without words. However, as he travels to the Canary Island, he discovers that there is much more to that! Intense, elegant, mysterious, smart, this movie will keep you inside a clever mixture of a Western and the classical crime movie. If you want action with a twist of intelligence, this will be a great must-see choice!

5. How to Build a Girl

Based on a famous novel penned by Caitlin Moran, “How to Build a Girl” instantly impresses the audience with a charming performance by Beanie Feldstein who plays the main character, Johanna. It is an interesting comedy about hope and always staying who you are no matter what. We all might remember being only sixteen years old or living in the 90s, trying to escape our siblings and getting into fights with the parents. Still, we always managed to get through! This story shows a profound building up of the protagonist, teaches how to accept someone who is critical of you, and helps to always go on no matter what. If you want to give yourself a positive boost, look no further!

Remember that watching a good movie will always bring your spirits up even if it is a sad-themed one. Take your time to think over what you have learned, share it, and, most importantly, have some fun!

Today we’ve decided to do something we’ve never done before. We are introducing a new type of content on the Nerdify blog – Nerdify Reviews. From now on, we are going to be reviewing books/podcasts/movies/ etc., that we think can add value to students and are interesting even to the general public. Nerdify Reviews is going to appear on our blog every month, so stay tuned, lot’s of great content coming your way!

For our first “Nerdify Reviews” we’ve chosen a brilliant book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. We think it’s a must-read for pretty much anyone, it’s in our company’s library and it has amazing reader-reviews online.

So, without further due, let’s jump into it. The book describes 7 habits that are aimed to boost your productivity and general motivation to achieve your life goals. These are the habits:

* Be Proactive

Imagine 2 circles in your life – one is the circle of concern (that’s the stuff you are worried about) and within that circle there’s a circle of influence (that’s the stuff you can actually have certain control over – your relationships, work, health, etc).  Being proactive means only be concerned about things YOU HAVE CAN INFLUENCE. That will save you a lot of time you waste worrying about stuff you have zero control over (no point about worrying about whether the Earth will be struck by an asteroid – there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it, mate). So habit number 1 – be proactive.

* Being With An End In Mind

Imagine you are at a funeral. At your funeral (ok, it’s not real, just bare with us for a sec). Ask yourself the following question: “What do I have to say about myself”. Do you want people to say that you were an amazing friend? A great boss? A business leader? But are you actually DOING things that will make people say all of that about you?

In the modern world, it’s really easy to get distracted. Always have the end in mind and CONSTANTLY do a reality check whether you are doing things that get you closer to the end goal?

Learn to say no. This is actually one of the Steve Job’s superpowers – saying no to things that do not get your closer to your goal.

* Put First Things First

This is actually about setting the priorities right. Look, life is FULL of events and opportunities. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to do everything you want. There are only 24 hours in 1 day. And your workday may be full of interruptions. So, learning how to set up your priorities right will go a long way. Answer to yourself “what is the most IMPORTANT thing I have to do right now and how URGENT I have to do that”. Based on that – construct your to-do-list.

* Think Win-Win

This is a very powerful mentality, especially if you want to work in business and be an entrepreneur. Our world is not a zero-sum game (meaning that in order for you to win, someone has to lose). By far in most cases, you can always find a win-win scenario. Usually, people who think that, have integrity, maturity and abundance mentality (meaning they actually believe there’s enough for everybody).

* Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

This is the holy grail of any negotiations. You have the following “levels of listening” – ignoring, pretending to listen, selective listening and active. Now, you might think that active listening is the maximum level of attention you can dedicate to your counterpart. But it’s not true. The highest level of listening is Empathic listening. This is when you are trying to understand both the content and feelings of your counterpart. It’s as if you are putting yourself in “their shoes”. By doing so you can actually understand what the other person truly feels are really wants. It’s absolutely vital if you want to be a successful negotiator.

* Synergize

This actually is a natural extension of habit 4 and habit 4. When working in a team being able to negotiate and find win-win scenarios is incredibly important. But, being able to unite a few people who have skill sets in different areas – that’s what makes up a very strong team. Always look for opportunities where you can achieve an additional value out of the partnership due to synergize.

* Sharpen The Saw

Imagine a guy cutting a tree with a saw. He is exhausted, he has been working for hours. You approach him and say “Hey, why don’t you take a break and sharpen that saw – you’ll cut the tree down much sooner this way” and the person replies “I don’t have time for this, I have to cut down this tree”. See the problem here?

There’s no point taking on a task if you haven’t prepared for it! Make sure you spend an adequate amount of time PREPARING and planning how you are actually going to execute your task.

This is it, that’s our first review, we hope you liked it. If you want us to review some other books, please let us know in the comment section below 🙂 Nerdify is always trying to provide useful content. Check out our previous story about Secrets behind great success.