One of the most important things that you can learn as a college student is how to handle roommate conflict. Unfortunately, this incredibly useful skill is never really taught to students in school despite its value. To help students establish a positive living environment Nerdify Reviews 3 tips on resolving arguments with roommates.

For most students, it will be their first time living with someone who is not a family member. There is also a fear of confrontation, as well as a lack of experience in dealing with negotiation and compromise.

In this article, we will answer several important questions like, “How do I keep from getting angry during an argument?” and “What are red flags for roommates?” Resolving conflicts with your roommate isn’t as difficult as you might think. But it will require you to take action if you want to bring about the best possible outcome.

1. Do active listening

The first rule in how to resolve conflict with dorm roommates is to make sure to LISTEN when your roommate tells their side of the argument. Don’t simply think about what you’re going to say next while they are talking. Or ignore them completely while thinking of your next great Reddit post. That’s one of the worst things you can do. If the roommate feels like they are not listened to, they are very likely to continue the behavior that you don’t like.

Also, talk to your roommate in private. Go to a place where it’s only the two of you so that nobody feels embarrassed and there aren’t many distractions. Nothing can make college roommate conflicts worse than airing out your roommate’s dirty laundry where other people can hear.

Not being able to listen is one of the very big signs of a bad college roommate. Set aside ample time for both of you to say everything you need to say. Dominating the conversation will only make your roommate feel like they were not listened to.

2. Stay calm and don’t talk while you’re angry

If you want to make sure that you are calm when you talk to your roommate, say things immediately when they start to bother you, or better yet, even before. If you want to know how to resolve roommate issues, take notice of when you’re starting to get angry. Make sure you do something to help you relax and put yourself in a calm mood before engaging.

Unfortunately, this is not what most students do. For example, maybe you have a roommate who doesn’t know how to keep their area clean. How do you deal with a messy roommate in college? What many students do is they HOPE that the problem will stop even if they don’t bring it to the roommate’s attention.

What usually happens instead is that the student makes no mention of what is bothering them. That bothersome feeling grows and grows until it explodes from the student as yelling, or some other over-the-top action. What’s worse is that the roommate is usually completely surprised by this, because you never brought it to their attention before.

Not wanting to rock the waves is understandable, but you have to remember two things. First, the roommate will most likely continue the behavior you don’t like until you bring it to their attention. Second, the behavior WILL continue to bother you until it is addressed.

3. Work out solutions together

Conflicts are usually resolved when both parties feel like they were heard AND they feel like things were resolved equally. Usually when compromising, both you and your roommate might have to give up something. That way, both of you can feel like things were resolved equally.

A great way to let your roommate feel like they are helping to solve the issue is to ask them open-ended questions about what they would like to do. You could ask, “What do you think the answer to the problem is?” or “What can we both do to make this situation better?”

Don’t just tell your roommate what you want them to do. That will make them feel like they are not involved in the problem-solving process.

The final solution in how to deal with a problematic roommate might not be your ideal scenario, but please remember that all people are different. Backgrounds, beliefs, cultures, interests, and behaviors will all vary from person to person.

Here’s a final protip: know when to get help. There might be some times when both of you cannot come to a resolution where both of you are happy. At that time you should get an RA involved. The Resident Advisor is there to solve problems like this. They can act as a great mediator and look at things objectively. This should be used as a last resort though, so be sure to attempt to talk to your roommate one-on-one first.

In Conclusion

Navigating roommate conflicts is an essential skill for college students, and taking proactive steps can lead to a positive living environment. Nerdify Reviews experts say that effective communication is key when handling roommate conflicts. Start by actively listening to your roommate’s concerns in private, fostering an open dialogue. Stay calm during discussions to prevent issues from escalating, addressing concerns promptly rather than letting them build up. Collaboratively work on solutions, encouraging your roommate’s input to ensure a fair resolution.

Finding common ground may require compromise, flexibility and understanding but remember that by following these tips you can contribute to a positive living environment for both you and your roommate.

If you would like more tips on how to succeed in college and university, follow Nerdify Reviews for a comprehensive game plan on how to achieve great results in your studies.

Here is another blog post dedicated to Nerdify reviews of the most interesting and important stuff. This time we want you to meet Chelsey – one of our top Nerds. Hear her out.

Hello, I’m Chelsey. I decided to contribute into Nerdify Reviews topic to share my experience and help people who suffer from the phenomenon of “unhealthy perfectionism”. I see myself as a perfectionist, albeit an unhealthy one. I mentally criticize people (specifically new ones) who I think do not meet my standards or expectations.  

I’m afraid of failure because I always want to be “perfect”. In school, I exert as much effort as I can in my exams. When the results are not in my favor, I would internally beat myself up for not getting the grade I desire. I tend to be overly cautious of taking risks, possibly rooted from my fear of failure. If I stay in my comfort zone, then nothing will happen.

I conducted a short research about perfectionism, and I’d say that (to an extent) I inhibit one of the main signs of a perfectionist. I’m not surprised; perfectionism does have harmful effects on my mental health.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfect means “… being entirely without fault or defect.” Now, if we look at Merriam-Webster’s definition of perfectionism, it means “… to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”

In psychology, perfectionism in the psychological field means “… striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards….”

If they do not meet such standards, it would take a huge toll on their self-esteem and self-worth. On the same vein, unattained goals and standards would contribute to disappointment and unhappiness. Possibly, even depression.

Why is it a Toxic Trait? 

People usually regard perfectionism as a “positive” trait. I’ve read articles that it is a cliché answer to the job question, “what is your weakness?”

Yes, it can be your weakness. But did you know perfectionism is more than that? Are you aware that it is toxic to your mental health and detrimental to your growth? For the curious soul, here are the reasons why:

You can’t bring yourself to commit mistakes or experience failure, for they make you believe you are incompetent. You have to be ready to face failure in order to be successful.

You don’t celebrate with pure joy and happiness. Instead, your success and achievements are met with scorn and self-criticism. Negative self-talk is what harms your happiness. You are too focused on the negative aspect of things.

You are afraid of being judged. You like other people to see you as a perfect human being (when in fact, you’re not). Perhaps you are hesitant in stating your flaws, as it may ruin your “perfect” self. There’s internal pressure involved too.

Apparently, these reasons are also correlated with the signs of perfectionism. Let us move on.

Five Signs of Perfectionism

1. Setting high (unrealistic) goals and standards

There’s nothing bad in establishing standards and not settling for anything less. It’s not even bad to have high goals. However, creating unrealistic standards and goals is unhealthy because they have to be realistic. Further, you are pressured to accomplish your goal no matter what. You may even have the tendency to expect that everyone has to abide by your… demanding and ultra-high standards. As said by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist. perfectionists are critical of people and expect them to be perfect as well.

2. Fear of failure/Making mistakes and staying within your comfort zone

You set a goal for yourself, but you are afraid of failure. In that regard, you are more inclined to focus on the end results (without fail) rather than enjoying the thrill and experience of achieving your goal.  On the other hand, you refuse to move out of your “shell” because you don’t want to disappoint yourself (or anyone). Hence, you lean towards tasks you can do successfully—100% guaranteed. This brings more harm than good to your mental health and personal growth.

3. Trust issues

According to Elizabeth Lombardo Ph.D., perfectionists rarely delegate tasks because they think that their peers cannot do the job correctly. In practical settings, you don’t trust your colleagues enough if you want to assign them work. In the end, you do everything by yourself.

4. Low self-esteem and unhappiness

Let’s say you are angry with yourself because you failed to reach your goals. You immediately conclude you are inadequate and flawed. It can leave you a feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Kendra Cherry states that fear of failure is a sign of low self-esteem.

5. Negative self-talk and too critical

Perfectionists have the habit of finding faults in their achievements— no matter how small that is. You loathe yourself because you are not good enough. Therefore, your mind ends up being clouded with negative thoughts. You are also too critical of other people. Like I said, perfectionists highly expect their peers to be of “high standard” and “perfect”. This may push (or intimidate) people away. Unfortunately, it can lead to loneliness.

Overcoming Perfectionism: What Can You Do?

1. Accept the realities of life

Let’s do a reality check—you have to acknowledge that everyone, including you, makes mistakes in life. We fail in life— tests, interviews, work, assignments, and etc. At the end of the day, they push us to do better and improve ourselves.  Just like everyone else, you have flaws. Don’t expect people to be exactly like you. Every individual is different. 2

2. Take on the challenge

Risk-taking is hard, as we do not know what is beyond the abyss of the unknown. If you are eyeing an activity that you’ve always wanted to try, go on ahead… don’t be afraid of failure and mistakes. Let go, and experience the “challenge” in all its glory.

3. Be open to learning

We have to reskill to cater to the demands of the 21st century. Skills are also a plus point in the workforce. When you are learning, always remember that everyone starts out as a noob or a newbie.

4. Set realistic goals and standards

Be grounded in reality! It’s fine to have high standards, but they have to be realistic. Use your standards as a guide or a framework, rather as an absolute ideal.  Also, make your goals feasible (Remember SMART?). Again, don’t let failure bring you down. Failure does not mean that you are garbage, and it does not define who you are. As said by Oscar the Grouch, “just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It is called garbage can, not garbage cannot.”

Don’t forget to reward yourself if you achieved something big or small. Bring nothing but good vibes ☺

5. Learn to trust and delegate tasks

This is a leap of fate you must take. If you are overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask your colleague for assistance. You have to learn to understand and work with your peers. Bear in mind that you can’t do everything by yourself all the time. 

After reading about perfectionism, I realized that I need to work on myself. I’d say that it was an eye-opening experience. Perfectionism is embedded in my psyche, and it will be a challenge to completely get rid of it. I hope this article has made you reflect on yourself.

How about you? Do you consider yourself as a perfectionist?

xoxo, Chelsey

More Nerdify reviews to come, stay tuned!

We are proud to showcase the essay that won the Nerdy Bot Scholarship Competition.

Essay by Dora M. Donnelly

Artificial intelligence is everywhere in our new millennia. The way we live and work has changed because of the ease of access that is at our fingertips for advanced AI systems. The work in my studies has been no exception to this. I find that typing information into a search engine that rifles through decades of posted material is much easier than having to search a library that is limited.

The most relevant description of Artificial Intelligence is that it makes everything easier. When I am working on an assignment for a class, I have the ability to search the world’s largest database by typing it into my phone, which also implements Artificial Intelligence. It then enters into a search engine that processes my search and then brings the information to me. From that point, I study and apply what I have learned, but not without citing my research through a citation website that uses Artificial Intelligence to automate a well-written citation or bibliography based upon the keywords I entered. Finally, through submitting my assignment, my teacher or professor is able to run it through another programmed service, powered by Artificial Intelligence, that checks for plagiarism so that he or she may know that my work was done without compromise.

I have seen the use of Artificial Intelligence over the last few years advance and I am impressed by the work that can be done through it. We already use it every day for so many things that we do not realize we use it for. Computers and laptops that we use for our work are full of Artificial Intelligence. Whether it is the colors and image displayed on the screen or the input of the keyboard that works just as well as if we labored over those words with ink, any computerized system services its user through Artificial Intelligence.

Also, there is software that students, including myself, have used over the years to contribute to their learning experience. Even elementary schools are using programs that children study and practice skills through Artificial Intelligence. It provides a new way for students to exercise their mind through an updated practice.

An additional way I have benefited from Artificial Intelligence has been online tutoring. There is a database of classes, some of which don’t have a human teacher, that can tutor certain subjects online. I have used this before to grow in my writing skills. It functions by giving the student subjects and when they are done writing them it evaluates automatically the writing skill and level of performance by the student.

In summary, there are many uses of AI in the classroom and to assist with studies. Education in the future will likely rely much more on Artificial Intelligence to promote learning. Through my experience, they all seem to be improving the way we live and learn. Undoubtedly, we will see the use of Artificial Intelligence grow to be even more comprehensive and functional.