And here we go again with most cheesy college topics! Today our favorite rubric Nerdify Reviews will bring some light on co-living issues.

Living with a roommate at college or university can be a lot of fun and an experience that you will miss the most when you graduate, yet things will not always go smoothly and you may encounter several roommate problems. In order to help you survive through the college, we have collected the most common troubles and the ways how to solve them! 

1. Your roommate is way too messy (or way too clean)!

Without a doubt, we all have our personal considerations regarding being clean and messy, which makes it highly likely that your roommate’s opinion may differ from yours. The best way, however, is to make little compromises and discuss the most challenging moments as they come up. When someone acts sloppy and does not seem to care for keeping the place clean, try to see if you can approach the problem on your own and share some tips about keeping the room clean in a light-hearted and fun manner. If this does not work for you and the roommate continues being messy, try to discuss the problem openly and share the responsibilities, so you both share certain tasks that simply have to be done.

Sometimes you may appear to be a little bit messy or your roommate is crazy about keeping the room clean. Well, while it is a good thing to keep everything tidy, it should not go overboard. If you are trapped in such situation, do your best to take some time to throw the dirty laundry into a bin, keep your side of the room tidy, and make little pleasant surprises for your tidy roommate to show that you really care!

2. Your roommate uses your belongings without permission!

Now this problem can be really stressful as it is a privacy intrusion and a trouble that has to be dealt with! Remember that even if the intentions of your college roommate are not always bad and mean, it is still an issue that has to be discussed to make sure that you understand privacy and a list of personal belongings the same way! Living with a roommate is like living with a sibling, so things often get borrowed without a second thought. Still, you have to discuss the boundaries and do your best to build a good relationship. You do not have to lock things up and worry about expensive clothes or your laptop. The key to success is discussing your position and making sure that there are no words left unspoken. Just talk it out and say what is alright to do from time to time and what things will not be tolerated. In case nothing helps and your roommate ignores your requests, ask the college counselor for help.

3. A “Third roommate” college problem!

While bringing in a boyfriend to the college room can be a lot of fun, there are still some rules and restrictions that you have to remember! As you share a relatively small space with your roommate, you can have a guest and it is alright, but it should not be a fun place to hang out all the time. If you have to deal with a roommate who thinks that it is okay to let his or her friends be there all the time, it can easily become a problem!

As always, communication is the key to addressing the problem right and avoiding the conflict. No, you do not really have to tell your friend to kick a friend out immediately, but it is perfectly fine to remind that your room is a shared space where you have to study and have some private space and quiet. If nothing works, try to come to an agreement and make a schedule to agree on the times when both of you are fine with having friends over or when one of you would go home or stay over at friends for the weekend. If you have to get ready for an exam and you just cannot concentrate, make sure to let your roommate know. Try to become the best friends and care for each other as you have fun, but remember that you are the hosts in a little college world, so the guest is a guest and not a new roommate after all!

4. Your roommate has different sleeping habits!

And yes, this is one of the crucial things in co-living, that’s why Nerdify reviews it as well. We all know the feeling when you are up early in the morning and your roommate likes to have some sleep and prefers to stay up late at night to study, listen to music, and basically feel good! As a caring roommate, you do not want to disturb and take the best care of a situation, yet you do not know how to find the right balance between your needs.

Speaking from our experience, the solution is going to the public library or to a student’s cafe if you want to study in peace. If you want to hear some music or talk to a friend, you can easily go to the public area where it is alright to make some noise. Likewise, if you want to get some precious sleep and your roommate has other plans, make sure to speak clearly and explain that there are special study rooms and the common areas a college student can visit to relax and have fun. As you seek a compromise, share your study schedules and see what solutions you may find to let both of you have a good sleep and fun at the end of the day!

5. Your roommate is acting mean!

Even if you have all the schedules and sleep patterns in agreement and take care of each other’s belongings, there are still odd troubles that may come up! Sometimes your problem with a roommate may become an issue for no obvious reason. In most cases, it is enough to talk about the problem and let things cool off without a conflict. Yet, if your relationship with a mean roommate starts to affect you physically and mentally, the best thing to do is turn to a mediator by talking to the college counseling officer. If there is a problem and you cannot get by on your own, seek for professional help! It is perfectly normal to have an unbiased third party individual to help both of you to see where the problem lies without a damage to your life and an academic success!

6. Your roommate is never there!

While there may be several reasons for your roommate’s absence, the fact may become a problem for you. Either you may feel lonely or find yourself in a situation when you need some support, your roommate’s presence in the room is an important point. It may be that your roommate is missing home and tries to be away from the college, yet in the other cases, your roommate may be dealing with a peer pressure or a way too controlling boyfriend that affects her college life. Finally, your roommate may be in trouble, so it is very good to talk to a college counselor if you think that there is a problem that should be reported.

In any case, try to be as careful as you can and make sure that your decision is ethical. Remember that your roommate may just feel embarrassed to talk and not know how to share the same space with a college mate. Be the one to make the first step and trust your heart!

7. Your roommate is always in the room!

Now, this is the opposite of a previous problem, so let us think what can be done! If your college roommate seems to be always there, try to get your friend involved and tell about all the existing college clubs and fun activities. Encourage him or her to do something special and tell of your own responsibilities. If you are a musician or an athlete, share your passion and invite your roommate along!

Of course, it may be that a college room is a special place where your roommate feels safe! Nevertheless, try to make your roommate feel good about college life. Tell about all the nice cafes and the libraries to study at, the parks, and the shops with lots of student deals, so your friend may become interested and leave you in the room on your own (or come along)!

No matter what your roommate problem is, remember that the best way is to talk it out and avoid keeping it all inside! All members of the awesome Nerdify reviews team agree that it always right just to talk to your roommate, be there, stay empathic, respectful, and caring because it will always let you remember college life as a precious experience and time!

Have a good one!

Living in the world of technology and a constant exchange of information, our minds are constantly running several tasks at once, which makes it extremely difficult to memorize things. Our Nerdify reviews team decided to explore this issue a little bit further to come up with a list of helpful methods that would keep our brains active and relaxed at the same time. As an example, we started asking each other about what helps us to memorize or keep things in the active particle of our brain. It appears that some of us learn with the help of visual associations, while others memorize things according to their importance to them.

1. Visual Association. The most popular method to memorize things is to approach various visual associations that relate to important concepts, unknown words, or even entire processes that relate to such complex matters as nursing or the law. It is the method that is also used by intelligence all over the world since the visual aspect motivates our brain and helps us to keep things refreshed each time we think of a certain picture, image, or drawing. It is also a reason why the use of flashcards is so important not only for young children but for college students as well.

2. The Order of Importance. One person at the Nerdify reviews has surprised us by saying that she memorizes only those things that seem important to her. While it may sound true for most cases, it still poses a question as to how one can keep those not-so-important things in mind. A solution has been found in a while as another person in our team came up with an example of college assignments. All it takes is making things important by changing them or by connecting something to what matters to us. If it is important and keeps you inspired, you will remember it “just because…”

3. Reading Keeps Your Brain Alive. Unfortunately, reading books is becoming less popular these days as most college students prefer playing video games, chatting online, or watching the latest Netflix’s offerings. In truth, as the Nerdify reviews team could find out, reading books stimulates our brain and helps to activate the cognitive functions that are responsible for our memory and processing of things. As we read, our brain forms a mental matrix that keeps things memorized, so we can proceed to the next page while remembering all the things that took place before.

4. Writing Things Down. The same can be said about writing things down because it helps to form the tone, analysis, and strategic thinking. Of course, one can start writing without thinking much over it, yet our sentences are still forcing our brain to think and shape separate words together. Remember that typing something online is not the same as writing something down on paper. While you can easily delete something you have typed, writing with a pen requires care for detail and more responsibility, which is a great way to think twice and train one’s memory as to how to do something right.

5. The Word Games. We all have heard about the quiz nights, yet why not make it a regular practice to boost one’s brain and help us to remember things? If you make it a regular experience, as we did at Nerdify reviews, your brain will become accustomed to remembering things through the play and the games. As soon as there will come a moment to remember a phone number, a password, or a part of the important lecture, your brain will instantly engage in a familiar experience that has been acquired with the help of the word games.

6. The Art of a Spoken Word. Do you know how the movie stars remember their lines and keep so much text in their heads? It is because they practice the art of the spoken word. As they constantly talk it out and practice, they learn more about the structure of each line. It simply starts making sense to them! Try using the same practice when you need to remember something and practice a speech in front of a mirror or record yourself to work on your social skills. It will boost your immediate memory and will help you to remember things professionally.

7. Learning how to Recite. Pick a book that you really like or take part of a story that you have to learn for your college course. Read it about 3-5 times, just a single passage. Try to recite it exactly the same way as you used to do during your middle school years. It is as simple as that – just continue with this good old practice until you learn entire paragraphs by heart. You will definitely thank us later as your memory starts to improve!

Here is another blog post dedicated to Nerdify reviews of the most interesting and important stuff. This time we want you to meet Chelsey – one of our top Nerds. Hear her out.

Hello, I’m Chelsey. I decided to contribute into Nerdify Reviews topic to share my experience and help people who suffer from the phenomenon of “unhealthy perfectionism”. I see myself as a perfectionist, albeit an unhealthy one. I mentally criticize people (specifically new ones) who I think do not meet my standards or expectations.  

I’m afraid of failure because I always want to be “perfect”. In school, I exert as much effort as I can in my exams. When the results are not in my favor, I would internally beat myself up for not getting the grade I desire. I tend to be overly cautious of taking risks, possibly rooted from my fear of failure. If I stay in my comfort zone, then nothing will happen.

I conducted a short research about perfectionism, and I’d say that (to an extent) I inhibit one of the main signs of a perfectionist. I’m not surprised; perfectionism does have harmful effects on my mental health.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfect means “… being entirely without fault or defect.” Now, if we look at Merriam-Webster’s definition of perfectionism, it means “… to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.”

In psychology, perfectionism in the psychological field means “… striving for flawlessness and setting high-performance standards….”

If they do not meet such standards, it would take a huge toll on their self-esteem and self-worth. On the same vein, unattained goals and standards would contribute to disappointment and unhappiness. Possibly, even depression.

Why is it a Toxic Trait? 

People usually regard perfectionism as a “positive” trait. I’ve read articles that it is a cliché answer to the job question, “what is your weakness?”

Yes, it can be your weakness. But did you know perfectionism is more than that? Are you aware that it is toxic to your mental health and detrimental to your growth? For the curious soul, here are the reasons why:

You can’t bring yourself to commit mistakes or experience failure, for they make you believe you are incompetent. You have to be ready to face failure in order to be successful.

You don’t celebrate with pure joy and happiness. Instead, your success and achievements are met with scorn and self-criticism. Negative self-talk is what harms your happiness. You are too focused on the negative aspect of things.

You are afraid of being judged. You like other people to see you as a perfect human being (when in fact, you’re not). Perhaps you are hesitant in stating your flaws, as it may ruin your “perfect” self. There’s internal pressure involved too.

Apparently, these reasons are also correlated with the signs of perfectionism. Let us move on.

Five Signs of Perfectionism

1. Setting high (unrealistic) goals and standards

There’s nothing bad in establishing standards and not settling for anything less. It’s not even bad to have high goals. However, creating unrealistic standards and goals is unhealthy because they have to be realistic. Further, you are pressured to accomplish your goal no matter what. You may even have the tendency to expect that everyone has to abide by your… demanding and ultra-high standards. As said by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist. perfectionists are critical of people and expect them to be perfect as well.

2. Fear of failure/Making mistakes and staying within your comfort zone

You set a goal for yourself, but you are afraid of failure. In that regard, you are more inclined to focus on the end results (without fail) rather than enjoying the thrill and experience of achieving your goal.  On the other hand, you refuse to move out of your “shell” because you don’t want to disappoint yourself (or anyone). Hence, you lean towards tasks you can do successfully—100% guaranteed. This brings more harm than good to your mental health and personal growth.

3. Trust issues

According to Elizabeth Lombardo Ph.D., perfectionists rarely delegate tasks because they think that their peers cannot do the job correctly. In practical settings, you don’t trust your colleagues enough if you want to assign them work. In the end, you do everything by yourself.

4. Low self-esteem and unhappiness

Let’s say you are angry with yourself because you failed to reach your goals. You immediately conclude you are inadequate and flawed. It can leave you a feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Kendra Cherry states that fear of failure is a sign of low self-esteem.

5. Negative self-talk and too critical

Perfectionists have the habit of finding faults in their achievements— no matter how small that is. You loathe yourself because you are not good enough. Therefore, your mind ends up being clouded with negative thoughts. You are also too critical of other people. Like I said, perfectionists highly expect their peers to be of “high standard” and “perfect”. This may push (or intimidate) people away. Unfortunately, it can lead to loneliness.

Overcoming Perfectionism: What Can You Do?

1. Accept the realities of life

Let’s do a reality check—you have to acknowledge that everyone, including you, makes mistakes in life. We fail in life— tests, interviews, work, assignments, and etc. At the end of the day, they push us to do better and improve ourselves.  Just like everyone else, you have flaws. Don’t expect people to be exactly like you. Every individual is different. 2

2. Take on the challenge

Risk-taking is hard, as we do not know what is beyond the abyss of the unknown. If you are eyeing an activity that you’ve always wanted to try, go on ahead… don’t be afraid of failure and mistakes. Let go, and experience the “challenge” in all its glory.

3. Be open to learning

We have to reskill to cater to the demands of the 21st century. Skills are also a plus point in the workforce. When you are learning, always remember that everyone starts out as a noob or a newbie.

4. Set realistic goals and standards

Be grounded in reality! It’s fine to have high standards, but they have to be realistic. Use your standards as a guide or a framework, rather as an absolute ideal.  Also, make your goals feasible (Remember SMART?). Again, don’t let failure bring you down. Failure does not mean that you are garbage, and it does not define who you are. As said by Oscar the Grouch, “just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It is called garbage can, not garbage cannot.”

Don’t forget to reward yourself if you achieved something big or small. Bring nothing but good vibes ☺

5. Learn to trust and delegate tasks

This is a leap of fate you must take. If you are overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to ask your colleague for assistance. You have to learn to understand and work with your peers. Bear in mind that you can’t do everything by yourself all the time. 

After reading about perfectionism, I realized that I need to work on myself. I’d say that it was an eye-opening experience. Perfectionism is embedded in my psyche, and it will be a challenge to completely get rid of it. I hope this article has made you reflect on yourself.

How about you? Do you consider yourself as a perfectionist?

xoxo, Chelsey

More Nerdify reviews to come, stay tuned!